If I do have anyone who has been following because they saw this on my support letter, I really apologize. I have never felt so swamped and exhausted -- and I'm not even in school! I have been writing a lot in my journal, but that is stuff I can't post online, so I can't really blog that. Also, the internet here is hit-or-miss, so many days I don't even bother trying. However, here is a recap:
I work at Souvenir City/Inlet Gifts, which is on the boardwalk. It's about a 20 minute walk from my house, so there's my exercise! I wake up every morning at 7:30, but lately I haven't been falling asleep until very, very late...so that's just bad. Over the past three or so days, I've probably totaled about 16 hours of sleep. I am exhausted.
Since I am exhausted, I really don't want to be around people. I am having a lot of trouble dividing my time between my Project friends, Andrew, and, of course, God. I need to order my private world very, very badly. Without decent time spent with God, I lose it. I just feel empty. And I am so used to being alone at night that I can't really break the habit to go outside and play games with people. Tonight I am calling it a very early night and lying in bed whilst blogging and chatting. It is nice. I will also throw in some Bible in that mix, and it will be beautiful.
Early this morning, I described myself to a friend as an "emotional zombie." I feel so many things, but I actually feel nothing at all. I have experienced so many different emotions in the past couple of weeks that I have become numb to emotional feeling. I am very, very burnt out.
On June 9th, my cousin died in a car accident. He was 23. Evangelism is just starting to make itself a priority again. I just need to talk, which is why I am always writing in my journal.
I am constantly writing in my journal. My journal is my god. I idolize it, and I acknowledge that. If you're reading this, shoot up a prayer that I stop being in love with my journal and I start reading my Bible as much as I write. Blah!
So, since I am so preoccupied with other thoughts, I feel as though I am not having a good Project experience. That, however, is just my perception. I am learning a lot. A LOT. And I am going to leave Project a much more mature Christian.
I am learning a lot about patience. Or, I am learning a lot about how I don't have any patience. It's something that I really need to work on in many aspects of my life. Again, if you're reading this, shoot up a prayer for me.
I guess the only thing I can say is that I really, really need God. I have been trying to do a lot of things here at Project on my own, and I am failing. I need Him so badly, and I will be able to experience Him when I order my private life. That is something that needs to start tonight.
Until later.
No comments:
Post a Comment