excuse me?

Yesterday in mass, the priest said, "When you are making a tough decision, just remember that God is good and He loves us. He can't help you with your decision, but remember, He is good. Nothing is impossible for God."

Um, excuse me, Father? Where is the relationship?! I submit that my life absolutely, positively sucked before I let God help me with my decisions! Seriously. How can you feel close to God without that relationship? How can you find joy without that relationship? How can you feel at peace without that relationship?

How do you even know that God is good without the relationship? How can He show us love without the relationship? Ugh. This blows my mind. How did I ever experience God without the relationship? Oh yeah, that's right, I didn't.

This not only blows my mind; it also breaks my heart. So many people believe they know God just because they "pray" and have learned a lot about the aspects of their faith. So many people just accept it blindly and then do nothing about it. Where is the conviction?! And how can you pray without a relationship?

Allow me to get back to the main subject: "He can't help you with your decision...." Well, of course He can't if you don't let him! God knows us better than we know ourselves; He should be present in every big decision we make! He alone knows what is best for us; we don't. Saying that He can't help us and then following it with "nothing is impossible for God" is incredibly contradictory. Basically, it's saying that it's impossible for God to help us.

Huh?! Wait! That's not right! Whoa! Hold on there!

Thus are my thoughts. It's really tough to get these feelings out and live above reproach. I need God to heal my heart from the damage done to it before He chose me. I am still so bitter...but I don't want to feel like that.

But what about when it's seriously wrong? This is seriously wrong. Saying that God can't help you with a decision completely contradicts saying that nothing is impossible for God. This isn't an attack on a religion. It's an attempt to clear up a clear contradiction. I don't know. My mind is all over the place right now.

Lord, give me peace.

i know there must be something more / if i could only find the door

This past weekend, I went to an ugly sweater party and felt like I was back in high school. It wasn't bad, but it was weird. It felt like everyone there was a "popular kid."

I have landed myself in a Christian bubble. These people are my friends, and I see/hang out with them all the time. I have never had a solid group of friends before. I have a lot of other friends, of course, but these people are my main friends. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right.

Where is the outreach? How am I furthering His kingdom when I am constantly surrounded by believers? When am I stepping out of my comfort zone? More importantly, how are WE furthering his kingdom and stepping out of OUR comfort zones when we are surrounded by believers?

It's quite convicting. At least it is for me.

Am I surrounding myself with my Christian bubble out of fear? That doesn't sound like the freedom one should have in Christ. What am I more afraid of, living or dying?

Matthew 10:39 says, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Have I been losing my life for His sake? In my Christian community, have WE been losing our lives for His sake? Or have we been living like a bunch of American Christians who idolize comfort?

I pray that God will humble and strengthen me, that He will give me a passion for His name, that He would guide every step I take, and that my life will be a burning offering for His sake.