June 24, 2011

What an odd idea it would be to let a vicious storm capture a beautiful day in paradise. Why would that be allowed: a beautiful day without the appearance of rain -- quickly switched to a tempest? 

By early evening, the sunny day had been mourned. The black clouds filled the sky and filled the air with thick rain drops. The storm lasted for what seemed like forever. At times it was unbearable, and at times there seemed no hope -- that the storm would continue forever, and the sun would never show its face again.

Amidst the tears, the sun did indeed begin to show itself. Light began to infiltrate the gray terrain as dark gray clouds parted. Over time, the sky became blue again, save a few white cumulus clouds. A sign showed in the sky -- a colorful arc. Why would something so beautiful follow the storm?

Paradise was calm. Waves few. Water refreshing. God good.

oh, hey blog

If I do have anyone who has been following because they saw this on my support letter, I really apologize. I have never felt so swamped and exhausted -- and I'm not even in school! I have been writing a lot in my journal, but that is stuff I can't post online, so I can't really blog that. Also, the internet here is hit-or-miss, so many days I don't even bother trying. However, here is a recap:

I work at Souvenir City/Inlet Gifts, which is on the boardwalk. It's about a 20 minute walk from my house, so there's my exercise! I wake up every morning at 7:30, but lately I haven't been falling asleep until very, very late...so that's just bad. Over the past three or so days, I've probably totaled about 16 hours of sleep. I am exhausted.

Since I am exhausted, I really don't want to be around people. I am having a lot of trouble dividing my time between my Project friends, Andrew, and, of course, God. I need to order my private world very, very badly. Without decent time spent with God, I lose it. I just feel empty. And I am so used to being alone at night that I can't really break the habit to go outside and play games with people. Tonight I am calling it a very early night and lying in bed whilst blogging and chatting. It is nice. I will also throw in some Bible in that mix, and it will be beautiful.

Early this morning, I described myself to a friend as an "emotional zombie." I feel so many things, but I actually feel nothing at all. I have experienced so many different emotions in the past couple of weeks that I have become numb to emotional feeling. I am very, very burnt out.

On June 9th, my cousin died in a car accident. He was 23. Evangelism is just starting to make itself a priority again. I just need to talk, which is why I am always writing in my journal.

I am constantly writing in my journal. My journal is my god. I idolize it, and I acknowledge that. If you're reading this, shoot up a prayer that I stop being in love with my journal and I start reading my Bible as much as I write. Blah!

So, since I am so preoccupied with other thoughts, I feel as though I am not having a good Project experience. That, however, is just my perception. I am learning a lot. A LOT. And I am going to leave Project a much more mature Christian.

I am learning a lot about patience. Or, I am learning a lot about how I don't have any patience. It's something that I really need to work on in many aspects of my life. Again, if you're reading this, shoot up a prayer for me.

I guess the only thing I can say is that I really, really need God. I have been trying to do a lot of things here at Project on my own, and I am failing. I need Him so badly, and I will be able to experience Him when I order my private life. That is something that needs to start tonight.

Until later.

Day 2

Well, first of all, allow me to talk about yesterday in much more detail:

I got to OCMD around 2pm. I unpacked and fixed up my bed as much as I could, and then I went to Souvenir City on the boardwalk to check in about a job. It turns out that they were saving two jobs for Project people, so Karen and I got the jobs. Getting a job on the first day is super relieving. I am very blessed.

Last night we went out sharing, and Anna and I talked to two women in their late 20s I'm guessing. They were pretty receptive, and I think we may have planted a seed. They were listening and asking a lot of good questions, and God totally spoke through me and Anna because we came back with really great answers on the spot. It was sweet.

Yesterday I think I really hated Summer Project; I'm not gonna lie. Today, however, I woke up with a completely different perspective. I think yesterday I was just ridiculous tired and wanted to be alone in my own little hole, but now I'm ready to come out of my shell and make cool friends...which I have. My small group is awesome. I really love those girls already, and it's going to be an awesome summer with them. My life group is also awesome, and it's going to be awesome going to church with them every Sunday and getting lunch after, etc. This just rules. Tonight, we all hung out on the porch, and I was sitting near the guitars. Mike and Jason were playing Taking Back Sunday's "Cute Without the E," and it was great. Now I'm chilling inside with pretty decent internet. Blogging. Blogging is fun.

Boy. I love writing. And I think I'm going to be doing a lot of it this summer. I like it. I like God, too. He's pretty sweet. And he's the reason I'm here. Boy...I really love that God of mine. He's awesome.

Can't wait to see what's in store for tomorrow.